So long summer

It’s a bit cliche – the typical farewell to summer.  Quite frankly, I don’t care how cliche it is, it gives me something to talk about right now.  There are always these stories of kids or teens growing so much over a summer vacation.  Firsts of this and that; growing and changing.  You never hear how adults may feel such a transformation over the summer.

It may not even be fair to say anyone transformed over the summer.  There was a lot of reflection in it for me mixed with a lot of family time.  All this was way overdue.  I marked early on in the summer, sharing on this site, my new plans going forward.  Then I remained quiet.  Constantly, I would come sit at the computer to attempt some thoughtful post to write about and nothing came. I would just sit here and stare for a while, type a sentence or two, and then just throw in the towel.  Instead, I moved inward to myself and took up old fashioned pen and paper.  I documented anything going on in my mind, in the privacy of a journal, instead of displaying it to the world.  This summer was sort of like a quiet retreat for my mind. As August rolled around, I knew I needed a deadline of when I could feel safe opening back up to the writing world.  End of summer seemed perfect.

I enjoyed summer as it should be enjoyed – with family.  I haven’t spent a summer with my family in quite a few years.  It was the best. I attended nearly every activity the kids are involved in mixed with multiple trips to Disneyland with our annual passes, and even a week+ visit with my sister.  In my mind, I told the outside world: Forget you all, this is about myself and my family.

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It was incredibly refreshing.  The time of introverted reflection marked a time of growing and changing for myself.  So often we just push our feelings aside without question.  Some days, I may not feel a clear direction of what life is going to do – and that’s probably a good thing.  If there is anything I’ve figured out in life so far is create Plan A, Plan B, through Plan M because you never know what changes may come and you just have to go with it.  I’ll be honest, I wasn’t even fully ready to sit down and write this afternoon/evening/night (because that is how long it has taken me to write a ~500 word post), but since Plan A didn’t work of sitting and writing in one session, I went to Plan B – take all night if I have to.  I’ve given myself the freedom tonight to just ramble and write straight prose.  Sometimes I need to let my thoughts just be thrown out there and I’ll worry about piecing it all together later.  Sort of like a big puzzle.  It’s time to just throw those little thoughts out there and pick up one piece at a time, study it, figure out where it goes, and then move to the next piece.

I feel renewed and ready to move forward.  Even though I’m not exactly sure where forward is leading just yet, I’m ready for my journey.  I’m ready for a new routine and ready to take some control.

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